It’s Just a Silly Rock CLimb

In the grand scheme of climbers, I’m far from elite.
But I still want to climb 5.13 again postpartum, before I get pregnant again.
And it’s not just about chasing a grade.  It’s about chasing a feeling.
I feel strong when I’m climbing in that grade range.  I love the movement.  The flow.  The focus required when I’m trying something at my limit.

A few months ago, a childless friend said to me:

“You’ll get it back, if you want it.”

Here’s the thing.

I do want it.

I keep showing up.  I keep digging deep.  I keep bringing the best effort I have that day.

But there is so much more outside of my control now than there ever was before.

I was supposed to climb outside this past weekend.  Then Friday, Cam came down with a 103° fever.

I was up with him all night.

Saturday morning, I still dragged myself out of bed, got ready, and left the house at 6:15 to meet my climbing partner.

A few minutes later, my husband texted me:

“He tried to sit up in the crib and tipped backwards and hit his head on the edge of the crib and now he’s bawling.”

I turned the car around.

I had already been anxious all night about leaving him.  At that point, I just couldn't go.

I salvaged a short gym session later that day on very little sleep.  I tried hard.  Took some whips.  Pushed myself.

But days outside on real rock have been hard to come by.

Sleep and recovery have challenged me deeply for the past 10 months.  I'm still breastfeeding.  My time isn't entirely my own anymore.  And sometimes, no matter how carefully I plan, the plan just doesn't happen.

So, yeah.

I want it.

And I keep showing up with grit.

But I'm learning that I have to give myself grace, too.

I've climbed through injuries.  Career changes.  Grad school.  Grief and loss.  Eating disorder recovery.  I've been through hard seasons of life and continued to pursue climbing through them.

But nothing has compared to trying to balance motherhood with climbing hard.

And someone could ask:

Why do you care so much? Why don't you just chill out and climb for fun?

But this IS fun to me.

I absolutely love pushing myself.

I love the fight.
I love the discipline.
I love the focus.
I love finding out what I'm capable of.
I love the process.

I know it doesn't really matter.

It's just a silly rock climb.

But it matters to me.

So I'm still here.

Still showing up when and how I can.

Still chasing 5.13.

And still holding onto the aspiration of climbing 5.14 someday, because I genuinely don't think it's out of the question.

I know it will take hard work.  I know it will take sacrifice.  And I also know that climbing isn't the most important thing in my life anymore.

Every day I'm learning how to balance motherhood, career, climbing, and myself.

Maybe the balance will never be perfect.

But I don't think I'm looking for perfect.

I'm looking for the balance that lets me be the mom I want to be without losing the parts of myself that make me feel most alive.

Grace for where I am.

Grit for where I still want to go.

If you've been trying to figure out how to pursue your climbing goals without sacrificing the other parts of life that matter most, that's exactly who I love working with.  I help climbers build sustainable training around real life!  Because success shouldn't require choosing between the people you love and the passions that make you come alive.